Dear Uncle Snidely -- Results

Dear Uncle Snidely,
I write to you in dire need of council. Recently, I abducted my nemesis' lady friend and tied her to a train track carefully selected after weeks of study of the routines of the trains to ensure that when the "hero" arrived it would be at a precise moment of peril. In a magnificent stroke of planning, both of them were obliterated by the train.
But, to my great vexation, when I arrived back to my lair and turned on the TV, the only thing that the news networks were reporting was that The Train Is Fine. My abject victory of my nemesis has been ruined! What should I do now? Do I need to start over with a new nemesis? The Evil Legion of Evil surely isn't going to accept this as sufficient grounds for membership now.
Signed,
Vexed in Alberta

My Dear Vexed
So you're the vile criminal who delayed the 8:45 from Regina to Saskatoon! I remind you not only am I an Upstanding Citizen of this Great Province, I am also majority shareholder of Northern Alberta Railway and Mining Limited (NARML). My first thought is to set the Mounties on you. It would serve you right, that little delay cost me over $200 Canadian. A wise man though, never reacts in anger.



I see you are a Clever Fellow, else your strategem, a tricky one at the best of times and plain impossible for those without talent, would not have worked.  It did work, and your goals are achieved. Why the long face? Ah, yes, you did not get the notoriety you felt you had earned.

Are you in this game for the boos and hisses of the crowd? Do you plot to lose the hearts of the populace? If this is your motivation, Dear Sir, you will not win. You cannot win. As a Former Actor, I can attest with Firm Conviction to the fickleness of the Crowd. One scene they will hate you, the next they will love you, and not even they themselves could elucidate for you why. Look at Bill Gates, one of the worst Comic-Opera villains of the Last Century. For most of the last 40 years, he has been the super-rich villain of the American Populists. Last I heard, the same sycophantic Americans were on the verge of offering him a Crown and a Throne.

Instead set your ruthless ambition on Greater Things. Power, Money, Control. They never fade, and always satisfy. What you must remember is that Cleverness, Rapacious Greed and No-Holds-Barred Ambition are not enough to succeed at the villain game. Success is not measured when the Foe is dead and out of your way. Success is measured when the foe bends his knee. That is when you will know you have won. That moment can only be achieved by Adamantine Will. Will that disregards Reward or Punishment. Will that ignores Accolade or Recrimination. Will that fixes relentless on its object and bends the world to itself.

As for your Nemesis, or rather your Former Nemesis, fear not. There will be another.  There is always another. I tried to impress this upon Mega Mind, but the fool would not listen, and let his momentary listlessness after winning a hard-fought battle nearly derail his victory.  Learn that lesson well.

Finally, The Evil Legion Of Evil are not worth your concern. The name is fine, and the titles they give themselves are amusing, but in actual fact their major activities seem to be centered alternately on Mutual Congratulation and Catty Backstabbing. When is the last time one of them so much as robbed a bank or stole a Secret Superweapon? Never. One gets the impression that every last one of them is a Nancy.

Keep Striving, and move out of Alberta. It is my territory, upstart.
I remain,
Your Affectionate Uncle Snidely

PS Remit $200 Canadian. Immediately. I mean it.